:-)

It starts in my toes
And I crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Where ever you go 

 Did you know that there’s a crater on Mars (the planet, not the Roman God of War – though it would probably be cooler if it *was* the God of War. Hm. I wonder what that would have been like? Would have been pretty hard if he went to an all-boys school, I can tell you. Kids are mean. He’d probably have been called crater-face till he had grandkids) But anyway, Mars, the planet, has a crater - the Galle crater (named after the astronomer, um, Dr. Galle (?)) – that resembles a giant Smiley?

(If you’re wondering, the correct reaction *here* would be: “No, seriously?!”)

See?

Personally, I think this could raise a lot of questions: Does this imply that life as we know it has been designed by some greater power? No, I’m not talking about “God”. Well, okay, maybe I am, in a way. Maybe we started out as some weird alien geek’s science project, and everything around us has been designed to fit his strange vision of utopia? Huh? Huh? And, maybe, the knowledge of this is buried deep in our sub-conscious, which is why pop culture can turn so many silly things into icons that affect our lives so immensely a la the Smiley? Maybe only certain creative people who use too much of the ‘other’ side of their brains can process that information, and churn it out in various forms, like Douglas Adams’s Hitch-hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Yes, I’m thinking of Slartibartfast (for those who didn’t know, he designed Norway.) Maybe he never truly realised how right he was about our world? Or maybe he *did* realise it, but understood that it wouldn’t be taken seriously? Maybe our entire life has been a myth, a dream, a strange fantasy cooked up by strange machines who were just bored, and created our universe – in order to give themselves something to entertain themselves with? Huh??! Let’s just say, dear reader, that there are probably a lot of things out there that we are yet to discover – a lot of clues that show us that everything we have, everything we live for, everything that we hold valuable, is only considered so because we have been programmed to respect the symbolism of the culture that created us.

…

There. That’s off my chest.
Now, you can’t say you weren’t warned when “He” decides to empty the petri dish containing our universe into the lab washroom.
Let’s just say, you ought to be prepared for *the flood*.

(Didn’t God say something like that unto Noah in the Bible too?)

(Has anyone else noticed how many times God speaks ‘unto’ people? Why couldn’t he just talk ‘to’ people, like regular folk? You know, this is probably why we have such difficulty communicating with him – we just don’t speak the same language anymore!)

…

(Yeah, I’m going to Hell.)

Chasing cars.

I went to the Auto Expo here in Delhi on Sunday. A few friends were going to go, and well, since I do nothing nowadays, I figured I might as well tag along – even though my interest in cars has dwindled considerably over the years (to what can now only be described as the “Ooo! So *shiny*!” state). No matter how bad it might be, I needed to work the old legs before they just fell off from lack of use.

But surprisingly enough, it was a blast. Loooong as *hell* (man, that’s one big expo, that is! I had forgotten how big Pragati Maidan was!), but despite the insane crowds, the smelly, sweaty (yes, it’s winter here, and it was about 13deg in the sun that day, but still – put enough people together in a warm room, and you’d be amazed at how *funky* the place can get) Delhi populace, and my general lack of understanding of all things mechanical and fuel-propelled (No, no, I’m definitely straight, I swear), it was definitely worth the effort!

The day started off ordinarily enough – I overslept, and delayed the plan by a good three hours. This would ordinarily have been a problem, but because of my sloth (you know, no matter how many times I use that, I *always* worry that whoever’s reading/listening will imagine that I have one as a pet…), another friend was able to join in on the plan, which made everyone that much happier (or so I like to believe). We then trudged from stall to stall, stopping in between to stock up on Coke, and appreciating all the pretty shiny cars.

What was surprising, though, was that of all the “kiosks”, Maruti’s was probably one of the best – it was actually planned out well enough to give everyone a chance to see the cars, peek into the interiors, fiddle around with the sun-roofs, and actually had people standing around describing the features and modifications made on the car. Even their concept cars were interesting. Tata had a huge stall, showing off the Nano, the world’s cheapest car…

(Digression: I recently read an article somewhere on the net, not sure where now, which, for a change, did *not* hail the car as one of the biggest innovations to come out of India in recent times. In fact, it actually made a very interesting point of how the Nano could possibly be the worst thing possible for India. By making the car so incredibly affordable, it said, it actually might result in a massive boom in the number of cars on the road today, with every Average Joe owning one. Considering that the Indian infrastructure can barely accommodate the number of cars we have now, with increasingly burgeoning numbers, we could possibly be looking at never-ending traffic jams, making it harder for people to well, get *anywhere*, not to mention the potential increase in pollution levels. The article also said something about how we need to *not* ape the West and look at getting everybody to a car – since they at least had a better road-system in place before the boom – but try and leap ahead, and figure out a way to make a vehicle that not only reduces pollution (possibly a CNG Nano, like a friend suggested), but also one that will not tax our already over-populated roads. Seemed like an interesting viewpoint; will post the link here if I can find it again.

But coming back to the Nano at the Expo – I didn’t like it. Very subjective opinion, obviously, but it struck me as being a woman’s car (excuse the sexism). Small, dainty, almost mouse-like, it looked more like a fancy auto-rickshaw, with an extra wheel and a window, but I suppose it is the best you can expect for Rs. 1.2 lakh (US $2500). A little disappointing, considering the photos you see splashed all over the place online made it look pretty damn sexy!

The Vintage cars stall was incredible, though! Incredible classic Jags, a beaut of a Rolls, and very cool Triumphs make you wish you were a rich Sardar (as most of the owners were). However, be warned – it’s very easy to lose your friends in the crowd; I learnt this the hard way, having had a very long conversation about how great the stall is and how funky some of the cars were with what turned out to be a strange 10-year old girl. Needless to say, neither of us was very happy when I suddenly turned around and went “WHa..!??! *hands flailed out*”. Ah, but you live, you learn.

(Yes, Alanis Morissette did say it first.)

Another stall which definitely bears mentioning was the Honda stall – not for the cars on display (which were very nice, I’m sure), but for the ridiculous way they’ve used models to promote them! It was hilarious!! A whole slew of funnily-made up women trying to look sexy and made to stand like teapots completely stole the show! They had obviously been told to try and make the car look sexy (a completely useless task, since the cars were pretty sexy all by themselves) and ended up merely looking like ridiculous teapots (I can’t stress that enough! They had one hand on their hip – or rather, *almost* on their hip, and the other bent up at the elbow, with the open palm up, pointing, for some strange reason, *away* from the car! Why would you do that?!) trying to look “steamy”. One woman even made it a point to walk around the car and pose in front of every camera she could find – she refused to move till the photo was clicked, and would even pucker up or sprawl out on the car, in what can only be assumed was an *effort* to entice. You half expected her to pull out a pole, and start a little strip-tease; a bad one, but a strip-tease, nonetheless.

(To any women I have offended: I’m sure they were lovely people, who had fascinating personalities, and probably have hearts of gold, and were made to perform in that insane fashion under duress! )

But kudos to Hyundai, for what was, by far, the stud-liest concept car. The QamaQ (I think it was called that) was incredible!! I mean, the four of us spent about 15mins standing around going “Woooaaahhhhh…”.

(And it was so *shiny* too! )

Coming soon.

Seriously.

Moving on.

A few days ago:

I don’t know whether it’s better to be the only one left or the one going away.

No, scratch that – definitely better to be the one going some place else. There’s always hope… potential of a better tomorrow. You don’t know what’s in store for you; will it be much worse and make you want to hurt people? Or will you find fame and fortune (or just fortune, if you’re like me), the kind they like to show on TV? Will you be that kid in that horror flick who finds himself being chased by zombies? Or will you be that guy who finds the gorgeous, rich chick, who falls head over heels in love with you?

(Hey, so I’m shallow. Sue me.)
(I mean that metaphorically. Please don’t sue me; I’m poor.)

When you’re the only one left, there’s too much of the same stuff to inspire hope. You’re in the same place, you’re doing the same stuff – you just don’t have the folk you used to do it with. And you have to find new people to fill that void.

But it’s not easy. In fact, it’s downright hard. To find people you can hang out with who get you, get your idiosyncrasies, get your interests – they may not relate to them, but it doesn’t really bother them; they have enough of their own baggage. Honestly, I don’t really even know how to go about it. I mean, you can go up to a hundred people and start conversation, and fail a hundred times to make that connect.

(I know this from experience.)

Maybe it’s you; maybe you have very high standards. Maybe you’re too uncompromising. You should probably give in more, let them be, accept them for who they are. They’re not bad people; ordinarily, you might have actually been able to carry a conversation with them for longer than 5 mins at a stretch.

But this is not ordinary. You don’t need to compromise. You know ’they’ are out there, people like you. You know, because you’ve met them, talked to them, ate with them, drunk with them, lived with them. Why should you compromise then? Why do you have to settle for second-rate substitutes? Why do you have to laugh at their silly jokes? Why do you have to be part of a conversation on how much you loved “Love Story” starring Kumar Gaurav?

I don’t know really. Maybe it’s just the fear of being alone.

Almost everybody faces it at some point of time – when you finish school, when you finish college, when you start working, whatever; there are many times when you find yourself alone on a path heading in a direction specific to you. You don’t know where you’re going; you just know that no one else is coming with you. All you can do is keep walking, and hope you bump into people you know along the way.

For me, it’s been more prominent after college than school. After school, I was probably the only one of our little group who was eager to get the fuck out of there and away from everyone – I was pretty tired of school, and school-related shit.

The first summer back after college, I headed back home, and met up with a whole bunch of the old school gang. Everybody was somewhere else in their heads; we’d all gone our separate ways, and each came back a ‘new man’ – some looked different (I lost about 30 kilos myself and had started shaving), some talked different, some… well… felt different.

All in all, it was weird. A lot of awkward conversations about what we each are doing now, with everybody pretending to be interested in the other’s chosen field, and a lot of hanging out and trying to be the kids we once were. But no matter what we did, it wasn’t the same. Well, not for me, at least. A lot of them came back as the kids we used to be – a lot of bling, a lot of “gangsta talk”, and a newfound penchant for all things hip-hop and heavy.

I couldn’t relate. I mean, it just reminded me of a lot of stupid things we used to do as kids; and slowly, it started to dawn on me that in spite of all the changes, in the end, everything I left behind was still there, lying in wait. There were the guys still hung up on the same ugly women, guys still trying to prove they were ‘tough’ or ‘bad’ (or whatever ‘kids’ these days think is cool, man)… it was surreal. Here we were, a bunch of us all around 20-yrs old, and the only thing we could find in common to talk about was what we used to talk about in school – what that girl did, what this guy said, who did what to who when. Time seemed to have stood still.

It slowly started to sink in: it was time for me to let go. I wasn’t really ‘with it’ anymore, and I couldn’t bring myself to care. I didn’t know what the latest 50-Cent song was, or who the heck Chingy was. It was strange to find that most of your friends seemed to have grown into characters from American Pie, and not half as funny.

It wasn’t really that hard to let go, honestly. There was almost *no chance* of anyone ever calling and wanting to meet up, and chatting was impossible – almost everybody in India didn’t have a computer or a net connection, and almost everybody on the other side of the globe would anyway only come on when we went to sleep. The few summer breaks I headed home, I spent catching up on my TV-viewing and eating. It was simple, and probably boring for most others, but man, I loved it.

The chord had just snapped, and I was drifting on my own.

Well, ‘on my own’ is a bit of a stretch – I was in college, and I had a bunch of really good friends, and well, life was good for the next few years. It was easy to make friends, considering you’re surrounded by a couple of hundred others who are new too, and wading through the collective quagmire of self-doubt and insecurity, you find yourself a lot of people who you can relate to, who have common interests, whose facades you chip away at to find people you’d *like* to call friends, people who you would be proud to be friends with.

But then, college ended.

Once again, the group split – some of us went to work in the city, some went to other cities to work; some looked for further study options in India, some went abroad – we were a mass of confused people, heading to god-knows-where, with fingers crossed.

And now, you’re really in a pickle.

You suddenly find yourself *truly* alone – no one to talk to, no one to eat with, no neighbours to go hang out with when you’re bored. You’re by yourself, trying not to wallow in self-pity, and hoping to god no one is staring at you because you’re sitting at a table at McDonald’s alone. You make compromises, you learn to adjust, you start holding your tongue, smiling because you have to, doing whatever it is you need to, to survive. You manage with what you have, and you find a way to get through it all. New friends are made, new connections are established, new groups are formed; after much effort, you find yourself in a comfortable situation, more or less.

And then, Crash! Boom! Bang! (Ah, Roxette ) Your world shifts, and you’re a-sea again, without a paddle.

…

I suppose there really isn’t any point to this monologue of mine; I’m not trying to say anything meaningful, or make any astute observations about life. I suppose my entire point, if I had one, would be: you get used to it. You get used to being alone, you get used to making new friends, you get used to eating alone when you have to. Even when you meet up with old friends, there’s always going to be some amount of uncertainty – you don’t really know what they’re like now, and you’re not even sure what *you’re* like anymore. You *think* you haven’t changed much, but have you? Would you have ordinarily laughed at that lame joke? Or would you have been rolling on the floor, laughing your ass off? Was she always that blunt? Or have you just gotten more sensitive? Did you always crib this much? Did he? Were you always ignored? You’ll never really know. You *do* know that you stick with your friends because they’ve stuck with you; you may not like them as much as you used to, you may not have much to say when you meet up – but they *are* your friends, and you know they’ll be the there when you need them, just like you’ll be there when they need you.

You’ll always be a little uncertain of some things, and a little surer of others. There will be many-a-time when you are so lonely, you’d call up people you haven’t spoken to for 10 years, just to say ‘hi’; there will also be many times when you *wish* you could just be alone, and not have to deal with all this shit. Inevitably, our lives undergo massive upheavals that leave us dazed and confused. And, more often than not, we find ourselves surprisingly alone. We can’t help it; there’s always a chance we’re going to be alone – the impermanence of everything will eventually catch up with you.

I suppose, in the end, we’ll all find some kind of balance, between companionship and solitude. But until then, all we can do, really, is just put on a happy face, and hope that we can handle whatever life throws at us.

…

?

(Edit: It was just one of those days, man.) 

Some time ago:

He woke up, face-down.

He never slept face-down. Had never, at least.

He woke up with a raging migraine, and what can only be described as a steady “hell-spawned” dripping sound in his ears.

Not completely sure where he was (it was just one of those days), he took in what little he could see from his half-open left eye. He noticed the spider in the corner. One of those tiny ones. Harmless. Crawling along the edge of the freezer that hadn’t been properly shut.

Hm. Well, that would explain the annoying “dripping-from-hell”.

He found his feet. Well, not really. All he knew was, they showed up when he needed them. And right now, he seemed to need them.

Groaning, he got to one knee. He wondered why he was in pain. A lot of stuff had happened recently. He wasn’t sure when, or even how, but he knew that it *had* happened, at least.

He vaguely remembered her saying “Want a cup of coffee?” He remembered meeting her two hours (or was it two weeks?) earlier. There was alcohol. Lots of it. Somebody else was paying.

They got along well.

She asked him what he did. He said he didn’t. She laughed. He never understood why.

But there was the dripping. How could he sleep with the dripping? And that pool of defrosted ice that demanded cleaning.

Maybe later. He was starving. It seemed like he hadn’t eaten for days. But he just met up with Divya (Vidya? Mary? What’s-her-name?) last night for dinner. And he had eaten. Well.

No, he is most definitely *not* a pig. She *did* say she didn’t want any of her fries. Or salad. And well, he just doesn’t like seeing good food go to waste (there are children starving in Africa, you know?!)

Which, somehow, brought him back to the question: Why was he face-down? He never slept face-down.

He got up. Realising he had been on the floor came later.

He was hungry. He wanted toast. He liked toast.

Now if only he remembered where that damn toaster was.

*Thunk* Oh, there it is. His little toe (you know, the ‘sensitive’ one) found it for him.

His feet really do seem to have a need to be valued today.

Now, where was the damn bread? Instinctively, he looked down at his feet (they seemed to be really good at this ‘finding stuff’ thing today) and there it was (see?): an unusually grey pile of what could only be four-day old bread.

Oh well. So it goes.

He plugged in his toaster; slowly, he proceeded to load the mouldy bread (of course, he scraped off the mould first; heaven knows, he’s a lot of things, but not unhygienic!). What is that nagging feeling? Déja vu? There was something about the toaster. Something he had been meaning to do. Damn puddle. How is anyone supposed to think standing ankle-deep in brown, er, water?

Focus, now. What was it? He needed a new one, he thought. Why, though? This one works fine. Almost perfect, in fact. I mean, sure, once in a –

*pfft*

…

He woke up, face-down.

He never slept face-down. Had never, at least.

Sleepless in Saket.

Insomnia is a cruel way to go. 

Lying around in a blackout after having been cruelly awoken by a twist of fate, my mind tends to wander to topics of little or no importance. For instance, I find myself pondering on the meaning of “it all” – for *me*, which is not necessarily the meaning of “it all” for you, of course.  

(But then again, why would I care about you?) 

As a friend nicely pointed out to me the other day, there is none; not one that matters, at least. The meaning of “it all” is, quite honestly, a waste of time. How would it affect your life in any *real* way? How would you be better off knowing? Would it help you achieve your goal in any way, this knowledge? Quite honestly, it’s rather unlikely. You’re more than likely going to just spend a lot of your time wondering, “When do I get there? How? Why is *that* where I’m going?” All very valid questions, all with very deep, philosophical reasons, I’m sure; but completely pointless in the “greater scheme of things”. Wouldn’t one rather just sit around and listen to Joe Cocker belt out “Mustang Sally” (All you want to do is ride around, Sally <ride, Sally, ride>)? I know I would.  

(In fact, I am.) 

But, being in this predicament (sleepless, sweaty, and solitary), you can’t help but wonder: Is there a direction to my madness? Am I heading some place? Have I reached it? Did I pass it by? Will I ever get there? And while you *know*, on some level, at least, that there isn’t, you aren’t (except in a “ashes to ashes” sort-of way), no, you haven’t, no, you didn’t, no, you won’t, you still like to hope that you are on a path to something. 

The question, really, is: Would you want to reach it, even if you were? 

Someone once said, the joy of walking is derived, not from reaching your destination, but the walk itself: what you see and hear along the way, what you learn, what you realize about everything in your life in that short walk from Point A to Point B. That is something I can attest to – in recent days, my happiest moments would probably have been on a lonesome walk from Priya to Saket, listening to music (M-m-m-m-my Sharona) and bopping along, as they say (who say? I don’t know; someone must).  

(You’re wondering what happened to the philosophizing, aren’t you? Not that you’re particularly interested, but you thought I was speaking in abstract terms about that whole walk-thing, didn’t you?)

(Yeah, well, I did too.)

 … 

And everywhere I go, there’s always something to remind me, of another place and time, of love that traveled far and found me. 

… 

The first Black Sabbath song I truly ever enjoyed (yeah, I don’t know how the topic changed either; but what the fuck, I’ve slept about 8 hours in three days; I’m screwy that way.) was War Pigs. Not for any particular reason; it’s not like I thought the song had great lyrics, or a really catchy riff (I used to be really into that sort-of thing, once). It was just, well, the first song I’d ever heard by the band that actually made me go “Wow, Ozzy.”  

(As opposed to my usual reaction of “Black Sabbath. Huh. Weren’t they famous for something?”)
(Oh, come on. I was young, barely into college, and was still hung over from my Eminem phase.)
(Oh, you know you liked his songs, too. Don’t deny it. You couldn’t have been a pubescent teen and not like the anger in The Way I Am, or appreciate the wit of My Name Is.)
(Liar.) 

But anyway, something about War Pigs really made me sit up and take notice. I still haven’t figured out what exactly – maybe it was Ozzy screaming out “Oh, Lord, yeah!”; maybe it was the funky guitar-drum bit in the end; hell, maybe it was just the knowledge that the song was called War Pigs, which really didn’t make much sense to me (no, please, don’t explain; I’d rather not know) – either way, Black Sabbath’s War Pigs was probably the entire reason why I started exploring the ‘60s for the music more than the general free-sex hippy-ness. While I had heard some Floyd and Beatles before that (and still worship almost everything they’ve ever done), I thought it was a fluke. They were just beach-heads sticking out of a pile of oldie crap. The likes of Led Zeppelin and The Who were unknown to me for many a moon after, even.  

It’s strange how random events can, in hindsight, be attributed to opening the doors to many of the things you’re grateful for today. Considering my only hobby, relaxant, chief entertainment, best friend even, is my random and eclectic (yes, I actually use that word. What else can you expect from someone who screams out “Dagnabit” in an office where behenchod – just the one single word – is considered funnier than *anything* Russel Peters ever said?) music on my computer, it’s funny that I would attribute much of it to Black Sabbath – a band I’m not even all that crazy about.

(Yeah, okay, Paranoid’s a nice song.)
(And N.I.B. *is* a cult classic.)
(But still.) 

… 

Let’s go get lost, let’s go get lo-o-ost… 

… 

Incidentally, for everybody in India who used to listen to Pandora until they blocked us out (the fascist pigs), I highly recommend using Musicovery.com. Very funky UI, and you actually hear songs you know by people you know, and not all those strange buggers you’d never heard of before (albeit, many of those strange buggers played some pretty funky stuff). 

… 

Is it wrong of me to like Bob Sinclair’s “World, Hold On”? I mean, I’ve never been the dance-y, techno type. But it’s a really nice song; you can’t help enjoy the whistling (is it just me, or does any song that has somebody whistling immediately make it nice? The most famous of which, in recent times, was probably Guns ‘N’ Roses’ Patience, but I can also remember a crazy Rammstein song which had a lot of whistling that I really liked. And I don’t like Rammstein. As a rule. Except for Du Hast, but that’s only because it was on The Matrix soundtrack.) and the lyrics actually make sense. Who’da thunk? 

(Although, I’ve also recently discovered I enjoy Justin Timberlake more than I care to admit. Especially the whole “What goes around… comes around” thing; I don’t know, I blame the place I was in, in my head.)
(Unfortunately, this has led to a spree of Justin Timberlake/Nelly Furtado/Timbaland songs finding their way onto my playlist – such as Say It Right and Give it to Me.)
(Don’t judge me.) 

… 

But tomorrow may rain, so I’ll follow the sun. 

… 

I’ve been thinking about quitting my job.

Why?

I’m not sure, but I think it has something to do with the absolute loathing I feel for it.

I’m funny that way, I know.

But, being my first *real* job, in the field I *actually* want(ed) to get into, I can’t help but wonder if it’s just me, you know? I mean, maybe it’s not the workplace; maybe this is just how it is, and I can’t deal with it. In which case, does it make sense to quit and look for a similar job somewhere else, when I can’t manage it? Or, do I attempt to switch careers, and try and find something else to do? Something painfully boring but well-paying (I hear content writing for corporates pay well)? Or do I want to just sit it out here, and wait for it to get better, or get fired? 

… 

Insomnia is a bitch. 

… 

I said, “Be careful, his bowtie is really a camera”. 

… 

Aerosmith came to Bangalore last week. The show was awesome. Spittle flying, people screaming, adrenaline pumping, Joe Perry doing his thing, Steven Tyler doing *his* thing; if you could scrape the money together by begging, borrowing or stealing, you were there. 

I couldn’t. 

That blows. What’s the point of earning money and well, *working*, in general, if you can’t do the things you decided to earn the money for? 

…

A friend of mine said, once upon a time, “what are we all really struggling for?? the next step yes? but is that the last step?? will you be satisfied even if you get there?? i think not.. the inherent dynamics of the situation necessarily require dissatisfaction at every step of the way of life to ensure a (very twisted) notion of ‘purpose’…so this drives us forward.. there are people above and below.. makes you think that your teacher’s in college seemed to see through all of this and didn’t want to leave  the fairy tale land.. and so they came back..”. 

Considering he’s usually a pretty positive little guy, it was quite surprising when he said it. 

… 

(This is long, isn’t it?)
(You’re wondering if there’s a point to having got this far, aren’t you?)
(To quote Don Henley: You never thought you’d be alone, this far down the line. I know what’s been on your mind: you’re afraid it’s all been wasted time.)
(Has it, you ask?)  

(Yep.)

Oh, happy day!

Today is the happiest day of my life.

It started off as an ordinary Monday. I’d slept too little. (Why? I just do. And hell, it’s never enough for a Monday.) Grumpily headed out to the bus-stand, as always. Noticed that the ITC Welcomhotel has become the ITC Sheraton (didn’t it used to be the Marriott, once upon a time?). Nearly missed the bus because the damn conductor didn’t notice me standing a foot on the road and waving my arms like an idiot. Got in, and promptly went off to sleep, with the intention of waking up when the bus got to office, and somebody taps me on the shoulder with a “Jaago, Pyaare Mohan“.

All in all, the usual.

But it was not to be!

The bus was stopped, and forced to take a U-turn a good 5 kilometers away from the Delhi-Gurgaon border. Frantic calls were made to people in the other buses, and the Administration-in-charge. Talks were conducted, policemen were chatted up, people broke out their packed lunches (?), and eventually the bus started up in the opposite direction.

At this moment, our HR guy (coincidentally in the same bus) informed us that today’s an off-day, and we’re all going home.

…

I nearly cried. The joy was overwhelming.

(Yes, I hate work *that* much. Doesn’t everybody?)
(Don’t say it.)
(Just indulge me, will you?)

(I hate you.)

Why this sudden change in plan, you ask?
Allow me to direct you to this:
http://www.hindu.com/thehindu/holnus/000200706041201.htm

…

It’s at moments like this that you remember *why* you decided not to go abroad to study, and what that je ne sais quoi about Delhi was.

I mean, yeah, sure, it’s serious, and I shouldn’t be making light of this whole Gujjar-riot thing. I mean, it is serious. Buses are being burnt.

Shit is happening, and stuff.

…

But damn, I’m *so happy*!!

More power to the Gujjars, and they’re crazy “We want to be SC/ST” issues! Woohoo!

P.S: If you’re religious, and generally, a good person and stuff, please pray that this keeps on for the whole week – I’ll *give* you my soul. It’s nice and shiny, barely been used, and smells minty-fresh

(Yes, I am going to hell.)
(I’ll save you a seat. )

Worries.

Today, I think I’m happy.

It’s worrying me.

Let me tell you a little about myself: I’m not a happy person. People who know me well can attest to the fact that I can find a black cloud for every silver lining. Couple that with a sense of cynicism that is this close to being a superpower (I spent a period of my life wondering how I can use it to take over the world (as the immortal Shredder once said: It feels sooo good to be sooo bad. Or was it Krang? Damn. Childhood was too long ago.) , and also what I’d look like in spandex (you don’t want to know. Really.) Thankfully, it was a *short* period.) and a general I-know-*everything* arrogance, and you have what can only be described as a life of pain.

But today, I’m happy.

For no reason.

It’s like Superman and kryptonite.

*sigh*

Nothing – not the insane work hours (oh, I’m a working man now. It sucks. Don’t grow up. Live off of your parents till you die.), not the crazy clients (incidentally, if you *are* one of my crazy clients or closely related to any of my crazy clients, I would just like to say that YOU have enriched my life so much, and I am *so lucky* to have had this opportunity to work with you! *removes head from client ass*), not even the many, many repeats of Moby’s Porcelain or Hoobastank’s The Reason or the Bon Jovi ‘This Left Feels Right’ album (people with small playlists should not play music loud) have put a damper on it.

It’s sickening.

I blame the odd Erasure song somebody played somewhere (Always). I hadn’t heard that song in eons; I wasn’t prepared for the emotional recoil it’d have. Somebody should have warned me! And it’s not even a very nice song!

(Okay, I love it. I’m sorry. Don’t judge me. The video was nice and snowy – how can you *not* like a song that has a snowy video?!)

(Dear God. I need to hang out with more men.)

…

I must cut this short. My neighbours stole my meat. Must deal with this disturbing situation.

Helpful tip: Do not give your house keys to women who have no money, and are hungry.

Forwards.

Despite all the cribbing, you got to admit: Forwarded mails can sometimes be of interest.

This is something a friend sent me. Don’t know who it’s by, don’t care; just thought it was interesting, so here I am shamelessly copy-and-pasting it on my blog.

(Plus, this way, I don’t have to actually *write* something on my own – a thought which appeals to my fat, lazy heart )

Enjoy.
(Or something like that…)

(Disclaimer: It’s monstrously long. Read it at your own peril.)

Socrates Meets Jesus
by Prometheus

Socrates

Good morning, Jesus, I have heard much of your marvelous teachings. In my own modest way I am a philosopher here in Athens. I am told you have great wisdom and certainly that is indicated by the throng of admirers that follow you through the streets. If you have a few moments to spare, I would appreciate it if you would enlighten me with the answers to some of the puzzling problems I have been wrestling with all my life

Jesus

I am as a fisher of men in my search for followers. I bring the truth of God to all men. Seek and you shall find, ask and it shall be answered knock and it shall be open unto to thee.

Socrates

There is one basic question that has always been uppermost in my mind. Although it has always been an insurmountable obstacle to me in my search for the truth and meaning, I am sure that with your learning you will find it far to easy and think me a foolish old man. I have always longed to live honorably and nobly, but it seems that I have merely stumbled through life without even even knowing what was honorable or noble. With my limited understanding, it often seems to me that life, even with all its sound and fury, really signifies nothing. Please tell me: How should a man live; what is the purpose of life.

Jesus

To serve and worship God.

Socrates

Which God.

Jesus

There is only one god.

Socrates

Oh. You should live here in Athens. We have several to choose from.

Jesus

There is only one true God.

Socrates

Of course. And which one is the true God?

Jesus

The true god is Lord God.

Socrates

Yes. But who is Lord God? Or what is he?

Jesus

He is the infinity of wisdom, love, compassion, peace, and mercy. He is the creator of heaven and earth all things in the universe.

Socrates

Of all things?

Jesus

Yes-all things. He is omnipotent. He is master and controller and maker of all things. He is omnipresent-nothing can happen that he does not know beforehand.

Socrates

Did he create plagues, wars, death, suffering and evil.

Jesus

No. These things and all other evils and tragedies come from the Devil, the prince of darkness; or from man’s weakness and evil nature. God is all goodness and free of evil; only good can come from God

Socrates

And who for gracious sakes is the devil? Surely he must be a god to be able to visit such powerful calamities on mankind: Yet you have just said there is only one God. Also you have said that all that exists comes from God: And now you say that only good comes from God and all evil comes from someone called the devil. These would seem to be contradictions. I am afraid that your religion is far too complex for this old head to fathom. Yet I will be an eager student and try hard to understand, if you will but help me. Please explain: who is the devil and how can all things come from God and yet not come from God?

Jesus:

The Devil is a fallen angel who is ambitious. He rebelled against God and wants to overthrow all his works.

Socrates:

What in Zeus’ name is an angel?

Jesus:

An angel is an angel.

Socrates:

Of course, that’s an identity. Socrates is Socrates. But, you see, it doesn’t mean anything to me, inexperienced as I am in your religion. Although it’s true as true can be, it doesn’t relate to anything I can understand. Compare it to something I am familiar with.

Jesus:

An angel is an angel.

Socrates:

Please forgive me for my stolid ignorance. Understand that I am no authority such as you are. I have never seen an angel or heard of one. I am told that you had many strange visions when you wandered in the desert for 40 days without eating. Pray tell, what do they look like, these angels?

Jesus:

They have wings.

Socrates:

So do gnats. Could you be a little more specific?

Jesus:

They look like people except they have wings.

Socrates:

What else? They can fly, I assume

Jesus:

Yes, that’s what the wings are for.

Socrates:

Of course–I might have known. You say they look like men. How are they different from men?

Jesus:

The are much better than men, and they never die.

Socrates:

How better than men?

Jesus:

More virtuous and more powerful. Much more powerful.

Socrates:

They are super-human, then.

Jesus:

Yes. Absolutely!

Socrates:

Then they are superhuman and they are immortal. We in Athens would call such beings gods.

Jesus:

No! God is more powerful than they.

Socrates:

So is Zeus to us more powerful than other Olympic gods, but the others are still by definition gods. How would you define the term God?

Jesus:

God is the creator of all. He is all power, knowledge, wisdom and the epitome of justice, mercy, compassion, goodness; and peace.

Socrates:

These qualities are, however, not necessarily consistent. It is not possible for a person to be just, peaceful and merciful, all in one instance or situation. If a person or a nation deserves punishment by the rule of justice, you must punish him or wage war on them, but this would be a violation of the rule of peace or mercy. No one being could have all these qualities because they contradict each other; they cannot exist together in the same person at the same time. It is as though a man had turned both left and right at the same corner at the same time, while still remaining whole and entire.

Jesus:

God works his wonders in mysterious ways.

Socrates:

It would seem that you have many gods just as we do in Athens, only you don’t call them gods.

Jesus:

No! God is all powerful.

Socrates:

Then the only difference is the degree of power?

Jesus:

No. God is better and more virtuous than they. Sin is impossible for him.

Socrates:

What is sin?

Jesus:

It is an act of disobedience to God.

Socrates:

I see from this that God could not sin, because he could not be disobedient to himself. But since sin is impossible for him, it is no more a mark of achievement for him to be free of sin than it is a mark of achievement for a rock to be unable to move. It’s merely a matter of definition. What do they do, these angles?

Jesus:

They do errands for God.

Socrates:

Why if God is all powerful, does he need others to do errands for him?

Jesus:

He likes it that way.

Socrates:

They are his slaves, then?

Jesus:

No, they serve him willingly.

Socrates:

What happens if they don’t serve him willingly?

Jesus:

There were several angels led by Satan, the devil, who rebelled against God and were cast out of heaven to eternal torment and punishment.

Socrates:

What is heaven?

Jesus:

It is a wonderful place high in the sky. The streets are paved with gold. Everything is peaceful and beautiful there. God lives there and all who believe in God go there when they die. Men have eternal life there and are given wings and worship God and play harps in eternal bliss and happiness forever. It is the purpose and goal of all of man’s life to go to heaven when he dies.

Socrates:

This sounds much like the accounts I have heard given by those who have eaten the lotus flower. If this was the purpose of life, could we not simply become intoxicated on wine or drugs and feel this way all the time, like the beggars and drunks we see on the other side of the city?

Jesus:

The Bible says thou shalt not partake of wine or strong drink.

Socrates:

If is the sole purpose of man’s life to get to heaven, why does he not simply kill himself and go there?

Jesus:

Thou shalt no kill.

Socrates:

If God wanted man to go to heaven, why did he put man on earth in the first place? Why did he not simply put man in heaven from the beginning? I find it hard to believe that man with all his capabilities, desires, and complexities was created merely to sit and bow and scrape and worship. Certainly there is not, nor ever was, a human tyrant so vain and proud that he wanted his subjects merely to bow and scrape obsequiously and subserviently before him from dawn to dusk, let alone for all eternity. I certainly can understand why Satan wanted to rebel against such a static, regimented, oppressive, boring society. From what you have told me so far, I would have had to side with Satan in the rebellion, for although I consider myself a humble man as men go, I could not bow and scrape and sing praises all day to a being who threatened me with punishment and eternal torment if I did not.

Jesus:

The Lord thy God is a jealous god and thou shalt have no other gods before him.

Socrates:

Why did Satan rebel? Did he know that God was as powerful as you describe him to be and that he was certain to be defeated?

Jesus:

Satan rebelled because he was proud and wanted to rule heaven himself. He knew partly of God’s great power (that it was greater than his own), but he wanted power so badly that he was willing to take any chance.

Socrates:

Satan was certainly very brave, then; to strive against a foe he could not defeat.

Jesus:

He was sinful because he was disobedient to the will of God.

Socrates:

It seems to me that the only difference between Satan and God is the degree of power.

Jesus:

God is perfect. He is all powerful, all knowing, and without sin.

Socrates:

Of course; by definition he is without sin because he could not be disobedient to himself. The only real difference between the two is the degree of power. Therefore, Satan was not wrong or sinful to rebel against God, he was only wrong to lose the rebellion. For if he had won, God would be the sinner: because God would have been disobedient to Satan who would be better than God or the other angels because he could not sin against himself, that is, be disobedient to himself, and he would have proven himself all powerful. If Satan had won, he would have become God, by your definition because he would have been all powerful and without sin. Who knows but that this didn’t happen? From your description of God, I begin to suspect at this point that it did.

Jesus:

God is more than mere power and righteous lack of sin: he is infinite justice, mercy, peace and compassion, and all forgiving. Satan is vicious, selfish, destructive, and evil.

Socrates:

What happened to Satan after he was thrown out of heaven?

Jesus:

He was thrown into Hell by God where he was tormented and tortured for all eternity.

Socrates:

What is Hell and why did Satan stay there if it is so painful and unpleasant?

Jesus:

God locked him in Hell and he was not permitted to leave. God created Hell as a place to punish Satan and all men who do not have faith in God. It is an eternal burning inferno or torture, agony, and torment: all sinful men who do not ask God for forgiveness and have no faith in him go there for all eternity to be tortured by the devil.

Socrates:

If God is just or merciful, how can he do this to an enemy who fought him in battle. Why did God not simply pardon Satan after defeat as men often do to a captured nation after they defeat it? Mankind would seem in victory to be more merciful than God; for they do not treat the vanquished to such terrible torments for even a lifetime, let alone for all eternity. Why did God not show the qualities that you described as his justice, mercy, compassion, and forgiveness to Satan? Certainly God’s warlike nature is in marked contrast with your definition of the term God as being peaceful, merciful and all forgiving.

Jesus:

God works in mysterious ways, his wonders to perform.

Socrates:

If Satan is locked in Hell, how can he bring plagues and torments on mankind and why does God allow it if he is all powerful and all good? If God is all powerful, how is it that he permits this evil Satan to survive? Why does he not destroy him? Although I begin to wonder, at this point, if the opposite course would not be better.

Jesus:

God allows Satan to be free to bring plagues and torments on mankind in order to punish man for his sin in the Garden of Eden.

Socrates:

What is the Garden of Eden?

Jesus:

When God created the first man and woman, Adam and Eve, he put them in the Garden of Eden. When they were created, they were pure and without sin. That is how God created them. The Garden of Eden was a beautiful paradise, and it provided Adam and Eve with everything they needed. They did no have to work but merely pluck the fruit from the branches from lush trees. They were as innocent and untroubled as children and knew nothing about carnal fleshly love. They had each other for companions and adored and worshiped God who visited them once in a while.

Socrates:

Why did God create mankind?

Jesus:

He was lonely.

Socrates:

Why did he not simply create additional angels who were more his equal rather than this much lower form of life, Man? Could it be that he wanted obsequious slaves that he could look down on who would fear, reverence, and worship him?

Jesus:

Since he is our creator, we owe him our worship, reverence, and obedience.

Socrates:

Is the child of a criminal duty-bound to be obedient to his father, or does he have a right and obligation to judge for himself between right and wrong? What sin, what act of disobedience, did man commit in the Garden of Eden?

Jesus:

In the center of the Garden of Eden, God put the tree of knowledge. God told Adam and Eve that they were not to eat of the fruit of that tree. Satan went to the Garden disguised as a snake and told Eve that she would gain great knowledge if she ate the fruit. Satan said that God had told them not to eat the fruit because he was afraid that if they did they would become as great as he was. Eve convinced Adam to eat the fruit. After they ate, the learned of sexual love. That was the original sin.

Socrates:

Is knowledge evil that God would want to keep it from us? Why did God want to keep us from gaining knowledge? Did he want to keep us subservient slaves groveling under his feet? It seems to me that we owe Satan thanks and worship for his help. Satan seems rather like the Titan Prometheus, who in defiance of the orders of the gods brought man the knowledge of fire. For this service to man, Prometheus like Satan was subjected to torment and torture for all eternity. Certainly human life would be worth a great deal less that it is without love, fire and knowledge.

Jesus:

But Satan was lying to Eve, because we did not become as great as God by eating the fruit. He was lying to us merely because he wanted to destroy the work of God.

Socrates:

If God is all powerful, why did he allow Satan to come to the Garden and tempt Eve? If God did not want man to eat the fruit, why did he put the tree in the Garden in the first place? If God did not want man to make sexual love, why did he equip man with the organs necessary for it? If God did not want man to commit the original sin, why did he give man a desire for knowledge, experience, adventure and carnal love?

Jesus:

God put the tree in the Garden and allowed Satan to come there because he wanted to test mankind.

Socrates:

You have said that God was all knowing; that he knows everything that happens before it happens. Certainly God already knew how man would behave in any situation.

Jesus:

God gave man free will. It was just as possible for man to be virtuous and obey God as it was for man to be sinful and disobey the word of God.

Socrates:

Did God know that man would sin?

Jesus:

He knew that man would sin but he allowed man the free will to make his own choice.

Socrates:

Could God have created man so he could not sin? Could God have created man so that he would not have sinned in this particular situation?

Jesus:

Yes, since God is all powerful he could have done that, but he did not want men to be mere puppets; he wanted men to have free will.

Socrates:

Could God have created man with two heads and three legs or any other way if he wanted to?

Jesus:

God could have created man any way he wanted to.

Socrates:

Did God create man the way he intended to? Did God intend for man to have one head, two legs and to appear exactly as he does today?

Jesus:

Of course: God is perfect and all powerful; he could not make a mistake.

Socrates:

Then God did not make a mistake, but created man exactly as he intended to in every way?

Jesus:

Yes.

Socrates:

Then you and I were created exactly as God intended us to be? And Adam and Eve were created exactly as God intended them to be?

Jesus:

Yes. It is as I have said.

Socrates:

Did everything that is part of man come from God?

Jesus:

Yes: God is the master and controller and creator of all.

Socrates:

Did the devil or any other force create any part of man?

Jesus:

No. God is sole creator of all.

Socrates:

Then, if God created man’s eyes, legs and mind, he also created man’s desires; all his desires, even his desire for knowledge and sex. Why did man sin?

Jesus:

He sinned because of his weaknesses and his evil nature.

Socrates:

Is man’s nature a part of man, just as hands and feet are a part of man?

Jesus:

Yes. Man’s nature is a part of man.

Socrates:

Who created man?

Jesus:

God.

Socrates:

Who created man’s hands and feet?

Jesus:

God.

Socrates:

Who gave man two hands and two feet and created them exactly as they are today, and exactly as they were in the time of Adam and Eve?

Jesus:

God.

Socrates:

Who created man’s nature?

Jesus:

God.

Socrates:

Who gave man his evil nature and weaknesses? God did, because everything that is a part of man came from God and God alone.

Jesus:

God gave man free will.

Socrates:

Who intended for men to have two hands, the devil?

Jesus:

No. God intended for man to have two hands.

Socrates:

Who intended for man to have weaknesses and an evil nature, the devil? No. God intended for man to have weaknesses and evil nature. If mankind is flawed or evil or weak, it is because God put the flaw or weakness there and intended it to be there. Let me tell you another parable. Have you ever seen the birds killing fish in the sea? Who put it into that bird to fang and kill that flying fish? Who’s to doom, man, when the judge himself is dragged before the bar?

Jesus:

Man has free will. God did not force him to sin. He merely gave him the opportunity to be virtuous or sinful. Man would have been of no value to God if he had made him a mere puppet who could do nothing but good. He wanted to give man the opportunity to be good or evil according to his own merit and choice.

Socrates:

It is absurd for God to punish man after creating him. It is as though a Homer wrote an ode about a pig and then whipped and lashed the pages or cast them on an eternal unconsuming fire, because he disliked the qualities of the animal. Or that a master sculptor made a perfect statue of a pig and then lashed it for all eternity because he disliked the traits of the animal.

Jesus:

God did not create man with an evil nature that predetermined that he must sin.

Socrates:

Then who did?

Jesus:

God created man to be innocent and naturally good. God put man in a paradise, the Garden of Eden. He gave man free will and allowed Satan to come into the Garden of Eden to test mankind. God did not predetermine that man would sin.

Socrates:

But God created everything that went into this combination, situation or environment. When he created each of the elements or ingredients in the situation, he knew exactly how each would react with the others in any circumstance; because he was all knowing. He intended for each element to be exactly as it was because he was all-powerful and could not make a mistake. It is as though a scientist or a physician combined several ingredients into a medicine, which although harmless in themselves, when combined become a deadly poison; and then after administering it to a patient, disavowed any responsibility for his death. In just this way, God combined many things; an innocent man, a tree of knowledge, a beautiful garden and an angel.

Jesus:

All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

Socrates:

It seems to me that you Lord God has merely created man to watch him suffer. This business of Satan, the Garden of Eden and free will is merely a facade. God merely wanted an excuse to harass, persecute, torment and oppress mankind. If an all-powerful and all-knowing being creates everything, and allows his creations to react in a certain way, he actually intended them to act in that way and is solely responsible for the results.

Jesus:

I warn you, God is not mocked. Do not talk in this way or you will be thrown into the fiery furnace where you will gnash your teeth, forever in torture and torment.

Socrates:

I thought our Olympic gods were vicious and unreasonable, but they seem veritable lambs of mercy and forbearance compared to this God of yours: who torments and tortures you for all eternity for doing what he forces you to do in the very making of you and your environment.

Jesus:

Oh, give thanks unto the Lord for he is good; For his mercy endureth forever.

Socrates:

Why, if he is a god of peace and mercy does he torment mankind and permit, even encourage and demand, bloodshed on earth; and permit, even demand Satan to tempt and torture mankind: since you said that nothing happens that he does not only know about, but will to happen? An all-powerful being who knows all and creates all, determines all, because he knows the way his creations will act.

Jesus:

God gave man free will because he did not want him to be a mere puppet. God did not want man to sin. God was very disappointed when man sinned.

Socrates:

God could not possibly be disappointed because he knew the nature of man and all else that he created. Since he is all powerful, he intended man to sin. Indeed he forced man to sin by creating man with certain desires and weaknesses.

Jesus:

What you say is blasphemy. God created the world and all the plants and animals for the pleasure of man. Look at the beautiful world around you. How can you say such terrible things about God after he has given so much to you?

Socrates:

I certainly couldn’t believe this. How could a god who was so vicious, sadistic and hateful create a world with so much beauty? Even man with as much evil as there seems at times to be in him, still at other times exhibits incredible strength, self sacrifice and loyalty, and degrees of the conflicting qualities of mercy and justice. Your Lord God has none of these qualities. Certainly there never was a man however vile who could do to another man what you claim God does to those who do not respect him: torture them for all eternity. Any man, no matter how foully he has been mangled, tortured or murdered–like Priam whose whole clan was slain or Agamemnon who was murdered by his wife and her lover–would eventually relent after years or centuries of torturing his foe.

Jesus:

I am the way, the truth and the light. None come to the Father except by me. Believe in me and have eternal life in heaven; deny me and suffer eternal torture in Hell.

Socrates:

If I did accept your system, I would have to side with Satan against your God; even knowing that I would be tormented and tortured forever. The injustice and viciousness of your God is so appalling. I have heard terrible accounts of human sacrifices by savages on distant coasts; but certainly, even they never thought of torturing their victims for all eternity. I have heard frightening accounts of terrible monsters, Cyclops, gorgons and medusas, but these monsters are as tame and gentle as lambs, compared to those described in your book of Revelation. And you tell me of Lord God’s peaceful, merciful and all-forgiving nature.

Jesus:

We are all the children of God. God is our father and does not want us to sin but must punish us when we do. He is just and merciful and only sends us, his children, to Hell, damnation and eternal torment when it is our own fault. When we sin and lust after sex like Adam and Eve, he has no choice but to punish us, by torturing us in eternal fire forever.

Socrates:

You say we are all the children of God. He is a veritable monster to harass his own children for having the eyes, legs and desires that he gave them. Be these juggling fiends no more believed, that palter with us in a double sense and keep the word of promise to our ear but to break it to our hope. I see not purpose, nor reason, nor truth, nor mercy, nor justice; naught but capricious naked power. Indeed, human beings, for all their caprice, selfishness and weaknesses, seem to have more of these qualities than your God. Your God is a demonic, sadistic, psychotic fiend.

Jesus:

We are merely human and cannot understand the infinite mysteries of God. It is our duty to be faithful and believe and follow him. It is not ours to reason why but to do and die.

Socrates:

Not reason? But why were we given minds? How are we to determine how to live and what is the purpose of life? What are we doing discussing this now? Why have you been preaching to people all of your life? Why have you risked your life in defiance of the orders of the Romans?

Jesus:

By faith are we saved, lest any man should boast.

Socrates:

Faith. What do you mean by faith?

Jesus:

We must believe without asking for proof. We must not be doubting Thomases. If we believe in God, we will be paid back for all our trials and tribulations a thousandfold when we get to heaven.

Socrates:

You say we should believe whatever we are told, without investigating it or examining it; we should be gullible? If I did this, I should give my purse to every man on the street who promised to return it to me a thousandfold. I would be a fool to do as you say. And here you are not asking me to give mere money, but to dedicate the whole of my life to one undertaking and one purpose without ever considering the value of the undertaking. A thief demands my money by threatening my life. You demand my life by threatening me with torture and promising me paradise. I am not a meek and gullible fool to be led whither I am told by empty promises and threats.

Jesus:

The meek shall inherit the earth.

Socrates:

The meek are slaughtered and made slaves like the women and children of a defeated nation.

Jesus:

You must not question God!

Socrates:

I have never met this gentleman, and therefore can not question him. I am questioning you who claim to represent him, to determine whether or not you really do.

Jesus:

We must believe the Bible, the Scripture, the Word of God; by faith without expecting to be able to understand and without asking for proof.

Socrates:

It is impossible for a man to not choose. You are aware that there are several thousand religions in the world? If we believe by faith, we would have to accept them all; yet they are all different, and that would be impossible. It would be like believing that the world was round and flat at the same time. Certainly, you don’t practice what you preach; for then you would have believed that the Jewish religion and the Old Testament were right and not started this new heretical religion of your own. Or yesterday when Athena’s priests admonished you in the street to stop preaching your heresy; you would have believed in the Greek religion of the Olympic Gods because it was first and you should believe it by faith because they told you it was true.

Jesus:

By faith are we saved lest any man should boast.

Socrates:

Let me give you a specific example. Suppose the Oracle of Delphi told me a certain person was guilty of killing and raping my wife and that I should kill him or else he will kill me, fearing that I will discover his crime and kill him; and you tell me ‘thou shalt not kill.’ You tell me that I must believe by faith by whatever I am told. Following your injunction, I must kill the man because of my faith in the Oracle of Delphi and I must not kill the man because of my faith in Lord God. For I cannot both kill the man and not kill the man because they are contradictory. Therefore, I cannot believe in both the Oracle of Delphi and the Lord God. Therefore, it is impossible for me to believe anything by faith alone. There is an intellectual choice that you and I and all men make, whether it is voluntary or not, as to what we believe. What would you rather do: make choice by thinking, discussing and considering all the aspects of the problem or by blindly denying that there is any choice necessary? This choice is the most important one in a man’s life because the answer to the question, “what is the purpose of life?” determines the whole course of a man’s life. If a man is to direct his every move by his religion, as you advocate, then certainly, he must put a great deal of thought into his choice of religions. Let me tell you a parable: If you are to go from one city to another on some task that involves your whole life, would it not be wise to consider all the routes, whether some of them are frequented by robbers, whether there is not a closer or safer city to go to, or , indeed, whether there is any city there at all?

Jesus:

If you, honestly wish to know the truth about God, creation and the purpose of life, there is a very simple way to discover the truth. All you have to do is ask God to come into your heart. If you sincerely wish to know the truth about God, the holy spirit will come into your being and you will become one with God. At that moment, you will gain heavenly knowledge and peace; and when you die, you will go to heaven and live forever in happiness and contentment.

Socrates:

I long to know the truth. What is it exactly that I must do and say in order to gain this knowledge and wisdom? How do I address him?

Jesus:

Say, “Lord come into my heart and give me the wisdom to understand the truth.”

Socrates:

You say that by merely repeating this, I will gain knowledge about the purpose of life?

Jesus:

Yes. The Lord says seek and you shall find, ask and it shall be answered, knock and it shall be opened unto thee. God has promised to show the truth to anyone who asks.

Socrates:

Lord come into my heart and give me the wisdom to understand the truth.

Jesus:

There, you see. Now thank God for giving you eternal life.

Socrates:

Nothing has happened. I know no more about the purpose of life than I did before.

Jesus:

Then you are not sincere. You did not really wish God to come into your heart and show you the truth. You did not have faith that he would come into your heart.

Socrates:

Truly I do wish to know the truth. I have dedicated my whole life to the study of philosophy and reason. I wish more than life itself to learn the purpose of life. It is an answer I have been seeking since I first saw the sun. Unless I find it, I shall still be seeking it on the day I die. Perhaps he did not hear me; shall I ask again louder?

Jesus:

You have failed to finder the answer because you do not have faith. If a man has faith the size of a mustard seed, he can move a mountain and everything that he wishes comes to pass.

Socrates:

That is impossible. Did any of the people who follow you here today ever have relatives or friends who were sick and dying? Certainly they did; and certainly if they were good Christian folk they wished that the relative or friend would not be sick or die, but rather be healthy and happy once again. Certainly no one will be so foolish as to say he never had a friend die. Certainly no one will be so callous as to say he never wished the friend to live. Therefore, it follows that no one Christian in all the centuries ever had faith in God; or else that God was lying.

Jesus:

The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord.

Socrates:

I will present a parable to prove that there was never a Christian or a Jew who had faith; and to prove that God was lying when he promised to come into a man’s heart and teach him the purpose of life. First, would you agree that Hell is worse than any possible earthly misfortune?

Jesus:

Yes. Certainly.

Socrates:

And, have you not said that all men are sinners and have fallen short of the glory of God?

Jesus:

Yes.

Socrates:

All Christians or Jews, who have faith, believe that they will go to Hell if they sin. Allow me to present this parable. Each Christian is like a man who stands at the top of a cliff: he knows that if he commits a sin, he will fall to his death, or worse, to eternal torment. You have said that Hell is worse than any possible earthly misfortune. No matter how severe his earthly misfortunes or his desires, no man who was a faithful Christian, would commit a sin; that is, jump off the cliff to eternal torment. You have said that all men, including faithful Christians and Jews, are sinners. It follows that not one Christian or Jew since the beginning of time, ever really believed that he would go to hell. Because if he did believe it, he would not sin: he would not jump off the cliff if he believed that Hell and eternal torment awaited him below. All men do jump off the cliff; all men do sin. Therefore, not one in all these centuries really believed in you. It follows that God did not come into their hearts any more than he did into mine a few moments ago. Therefore God has no right to expect them to act in a Christian manner or to have faith in him. Therefore, God has no right to punish them or send them to Hell. Therefore your God is not just. Therefore your God is not God.

Jesus:

Look at the world around you. Doesn’t that prove that God exists? See beautiful benevolent nature that makes you strong and healthy and provides you with the sun for warmth and the forest and field for food. Shouldn’t you worship God for all that he has done for you?

Socrates:

I know that nature is all good and benevolent, but whose hailstones broke my window?

Jesus:

Simply because there is some evil in the world does not negate the good: You must thank God for that. God must exist because; where did the world come from if he did not create it?

Socrates:

It is not necessarily your God that created the world: There are thousands of other priests who claim that their God did it. Just because I do not have the answer, does not mean that I must accept yours without examining it. I could just as logically demand that you believe that Zeus created the world. Even if I agree that God created the world, that is the end of the definition of the qualities of God and we can’t logically proceed from that to the assumption that the other aspects of your definition of God are correct.

Jesus:

Wait, do not leave! You must save your soul from eternal damnation. Accept God into your heart. I will not go, till you say aye to me.

Socrates:

Yes. These are only the idle thoughts of an old man. ‘Tis certain you are right, since you have so many followers. And who am I, on dull-witted old man to put reason and philosophy above the voices of the multitude.

Jesus:

Thank God for giving you eternal life.

Socrates was gone.

…

Edit: If you *actually* got till here, congratulations. You lead a boring, pathetic life (Thank you, Perakath, for subtly pointing that out to me ), and could not figure out any other way of occupying *at least* that half hour. Maybe you should try adopting a hobby – try contracting a disease. I hear jaundice is a life-changing experience

Oh no! Cap!

Well, Marvel’s gone and done it now

They’ve killed off Captain America.

Gut-shot by his girlfriend (under Doctor Faustus’s control) on the steps of the courthouse as he went in for his arraignment.

Rather a sad end, really. I mean, he *was* a super-hero – albeit, old (Dude! He started off fighting the Nazis! My grandparents must have been teens at the time!) and rather ineffective (Come on! He was just a very in-shape human. I mean, all that Super-Soldier serum did was make him much better than normal folk – not much really as superheroes go! But he did have that funky vibranium/steel discus shield *thumbs up*!). But still, unmasked, handcuffed and heading to the courthouse is bad enough, but then his girlfriend “caps” him (*teehee*! I made a funny!), and he crumbles.

You’d have thought that this epitome of American glory would have had some fancy death – you know, one of those, sacrificing himself for somebody, or taking some near-omnipotent bad guy down with him.

Huh.
Oh well.

Can’t say I’m too choked up, really. He wasn’t ever one of my favourites… Probably not even in my ‘Top 100′, if I had a ‘Top 100′.
(Although the cartoon used to have a very fun title track! Come on! You remember it! Everybody:

When Captain America throws his mighty shiee-ee-eld,
All those who chose oppose his shield must yiee-ee-eld.

*sigh*
I miss TV.)
But the character was an institution, man. He’s been around forever; the epitome of the “been there, done that” super-hero. The grand-daddy of them all. The Dadabhai Naoroji of Marvel, even!

Plus, he had a *wicked* throwing arm!

Oh well.

I’ll miss you, Cap. *snif*

…

(But there’s always hope in comic-land! Especially in the Marvel and DC universes! As they say: Nobody ever stays dead in comics, except for Bucky, Jason Todd and Uncle Ben.)

(Well, okay, nobody but Uncle Ben – Jason Todd returned recently, seriously ticked off with ol’ Bats, and Bucky’s apparently been around for a while, running around as Winter Soldier with a cybernetic arm, and killing people (or so Wikipedia tells me), so you never know! This might all be some massive evil ploy.)

P.S: Don’t you just love Wikipedia?

P.P.S: Yes, I really do have *this* much free time.