Death by Customer Care.

Hi, I’m *inaudible*, how may I assist you?

Hi, my cable’s not working – no audio, no video, just a big blue screen. It’s like there’s no connection at all.

Are you sure?

…
I’m looking at the blue screen right now.

Have you tried switching the TV off and back on again?

Yes.

Do it again.

…
What?

Try it again.

Because you think I managed to do that *wrong* somehow??

Trust me sir.

Fine. Switching off now. Switching on now. Flipping to AV mode.
…
Nothing.

Hm. Try switching it off from the main power and switching it on.

…
Are you serious?

Trust me sir, these things happen.

Fine. Switching off with the remote. Switching off at the main power. Switching on main power. Switching on with the remote. Flipping to AV.
…
Nothing.

Hm. Is the Set Top Box on?

Yes.

Try switching it off and on.

You have *got* to be kidding me!

Try it sir, these problems are usually solved this easily.

Fine, fine! Switched it off! Switching it off at the mains as well (since I figure that’s the next step)! Switching it all back on!
…
Still nothing!

Hm. *pages flipping*. That’s unusual. Let me transfer you to the Tech department.

Wait, you’re not the Tech department?

No sir, I’m just the customer care guy.

Then why did you tell me to switch everything on and off repeatedly?

Because that’s what it says in our instruction manual. Most problems are solved by doing that.

…
*deep breaths*
*counts slowly to 10*
Whatever. Transfer me to the Tech department.

Please hold.

*annoying promos*

*Heavy South Indian accent* Hi, Tech Department, I’m *mumbled*. How may I assist you?

Right, so my cable’s not working. No AV. Just a blue screen.

Are all the lights on on the set-top box?

Yes.

Are the wires plugged in to the TV?

Yes.

Are they tightly fitted?

Yes.

…

Have you tried switching the TV off and back on again?

*head implosion*