Food for thought.

I’ve had an epiphany.

Looking back at my life the last year or so (apparently, it’s a common thing with us ‘old folk’ -we tend to get introspective, and well, whine a lot), I’ve realised that the only sort of growth I’ve done has been in graduating from smaller to bigger.

I’ve started to require half-litre bottles of colas, because a 200ml bottle just doesn’t cut it anymore.

(Honestly, a 200ml bottle?! What genius thought that up?! It couldn’t even quench the thirst of a fish!)
(Which naturally begs the question, do fish get thirsty? And if they *do* get thirsty, wouldn’t they like a nice, cold bottle of cola, since they naturally wouldn’t like *more* water now, would they?)
(But that’s for people who like fish to decide.)
(When I say ‘like fish’, I don’t mean ‘like fish’ the way bongs do (fried, and drenched in mustard) or the way mals do (fried with coconut and, um, masala?))
(Mmm… Fried fish…)

…

What was I talking about?
*scrolls up to check*
Oh yeah.

Yes, well, I like ‘em bigger now. Bigger bottles of cola, bigger bags of chips, bigger bars of chocolate, bigger burgers, u name the junk-food, I want it bigger!

Which is probably why I’m so broke all the time.

…

Yeah, that’s about it.

Well, I never said it was going to be an earth-shaking epiphany now, did i?!

Don’t shake your head at me like that! It’s not my fault you expected quality-writing and deep, moving thoughts on the fate of the world! Why would I think about the ‘fate of the world’?! You’re looking (well, in a manner of speaking – don’t get all *technical* on me now!) at the guy who never even READ the paper up until last year!

Why didn’t I ever read it before, you ask?

Because it’s always dead-boring and/or depressing, man! Why would you want to do that to yourself when you’re young, stupid and happy?!
(Besides, you can learn all you need to about the world from the Funnies.)
(But that’s just my opinion.)

Why did I suddenly decide to ‘do it myself’ last year then, you ask?

Well, aside from the fact that I’m old (I’m old! I’m so old!! waaaahhh! *sobs for a few mins*), I found myself enrolled in an MA course in mass communication. And apparently, “reading the papers” is something all us students are supposed to do.
(They’re quite persistent about that.)

As the man said, who’d have thunk it?!

(Yes, yes. I know it’s not much of a ‘mental leap’ to make.)
(Well, what did you expect from me?! Did you not read the above epiphany?! I’m not good at these things! Hell, I’m a chem grad, for chrissakes!)
(I don’t know why I said that, but it somehow seems to explain things.)
(What is a chem grad doing in a mass comm Master’s course, you ask?)
(Don’t ask.)
*Sigh*

…

I’ve been sighing a lot lately. I’ve been told that it comes naturally with age.

*Sigh*

I’m so old.

…

Wow.

Ok, I need to get out of this “old” funk, man. I need to start acting my age again!
Before it’s too late for me to “act my age”, that is.

(I can see it now: I’ll be this randy old geezer sitting in a nursing home somewhere, trying to feel up nurses and pretending to be 21 again.)
(Strange. In my mind’s eye, I look like Eminem. Huh.)
(My mother always said TV would be the death of me.)
<*50 years later, the author of this would be crushed under a falling Plasma screen. The screen would have been ejected by an enraged housewife out of her 32nd floor apartment, following a row with her husband over how he spends too much time watching inter-galactic football, and doesn’t pay enough attention to her.
Obviously, women are going to be stronger in the future.*>

I think I should get out there and ‘get busy living’.
Or I could just sit here and wait for a beer to appear, while I pretend to watch Cable TV.

…

Yeah, you’re right.
Option 2 does sound better.

…

*One beer, and three burps <urp> four burps later*

Bet you’re wondering how I got that beer, aren’t you?
Well, I’d tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.
*chuckle chuckle*
Man, that line *always* cracks me up!

(Yes, yes, I *know* only James Bond can pull off a line like that well.)
(And maybe Mr. T! “I pity the fool!”)
(Wow. The A-Team was such a bad show.)

…

Right, I’ll stop talking now.

Goombye please.